As a little girl I often dreamt of what my life would be like as I grew older. I suppose all little kids do.
Mine went something like this – at 25 I would be married in my own home and starting a family. Pretty standard stuff right. I mean what little girl doesn’t dream of meeting prince charming and living happily ever after. Perhaps a bit specific with the age – but hey… I was a perfectionist – all details had to be covered.
As I moved into my pre-teens, something about that dream, once just a fairy tale, shifted into perhaps a goal, or seemed to be a realistic dream and not a fairy tale.
I often thought that by 25 I would have it all figured out. That I would be in a place in my life that involved my own home, children and Mr prince charming.
Goodness to think back at that is crazy – by aged 12 I had mapped my life out and was quite happy with myself and my dream for my future.
Something huge shifted in my world just before my 20th birthday. Huge things changed and my dream collapsed around me.
See, I had lost my at-the-time Prince Charming. Had been told quite frankly by the doctors that any idea of having children was out of the question without major interventions. And found myself in a mountain of debt in the blink of an eye.
Now for someone who had this image in her mind for years and years that the future held for me family, prince charming in a cute little home. This knife penetrated the heart deeper than words can even begin to describe.
Suddenly I couldn’t see a life past 25. I honestly believed I wouldn’t live to see my 25th birthday.
Shoot me, it’s morbid – but it’s true.
That feeling stuck with me for the years to come – and a sense of finiteness took a hold of my world and how I lived in it. That little girls dream a tiny glittering speck in the background, seemingly forgotten and no longer important.
Even when things in my world started to change again for the better – when amazing things came into my world, when the universe started to shift into my favour again, and even when I met the love of my life… that sense of an ending nearing ever closer was there as prominent as ever.
Late last year another big shift
In fact my entire world came off its axis.
I was pregnant.
And this little being came into my world one it’s own accord.
A freaking miracle after being told time and time again that “when you want to start a family we will talk to you about your options for intervention”
An absolute earth shaking miracle.
Wow did my entire sense of being get shaken to the ground. That dream of mine smashed back into my vision as if I had ran head first into a brick wall.
A family. My very own family. Growing from a tiny jelly bean in my belly.
When my love finally started breathing again after the news, the universe seemed to open up with a gigantic screaming YES! and everything fell into place.
We found a way to afford to build our family home, and everything that we needed for our little miracle to enter this world came to us as if by pre-ordered special delivery.
Suddenly I am five years old again and that little girl is dancing around dreaming of her happily ever after. How could I have ever forgotten!
And from realising that my dream was actually coming true, I realised that perhaps, all along, that sense of finiteness to my life, that distinct end, was because so many earth shattering things were to occur before I turned 25 that I honestly wouldn’t have been able to comprehend life after it all.
Perhaps, my life actually starts again at 25.
Wow – what a deep epiphany.
Today is the first of May 2017.
I am days away from turning 25.
My prince charming kissed me goodbye as he left for work this morning
Our family home is in the progress of being built
And we are days away (in fact it can be at any moment) from finally meeting our little miracle.
I sit here as I write that and think.. wow. absolutely freaking wow.
Here… after all this time… I am about to cross that finite threshold… I am about to live my dream.
And the smile can not leave my face.
To all the little girls out there with huge dreams for their future. And all the little prince charmings waiting for the day they get to be apart of that dream.
Don’t EVER let anyone tell you dreams don’t come true.
Don’t EVER stop dreaming those dreams.
I know for a fact…Dreams can come true.