About four years ago my world was ripped open, torn apart and turn completely upside down. It was probably one of the biggest battles I have had to face, not just within myself but with everything that was thrown at me during that time.
But I survived.
About three years ago, I wasn’t able to feel happy. No matter how hard I tried, ghosts from a world I had turned away from kept on rearing their ugly head. It didn’t matter what I did – stay up all night thinking, drinking for days straight, burying my head in the sand, screaming, crying, trying to work it out – I just kept having to relive it all.
The people surrounding me wore dark negative capes and I, myself, was trapped in a bottomless pit of pain, anger and sadness.. to the point that I couldn’t see a way out.
And I wanted out so badly.
So, after hours, days, weeks of thinking, devising and rethinking, I had decided it was time to go. To leave the world I knew behind.. completely.
But where to go… where did I belong?
I hadn’t felt like I had a home or a place of belonging for a very very long time, so I didn’t even know where to start, or what it would feel like when I got there – so how did I know what to do?
The truth is.. I didn’t.
I was about to pack everything up and move states or even countries when a person that I was working with at the time, asked me what was wrong (I looked gaunt, ghost like and hadn’t slept properly in months) – to which I told my story to and the decisions I was making. They replied by telling me not to be so drastic yet and to move into their spare room for a while – the house was an hour from where I was currently living, not somewhere I had EVER imagined I would live, and about as far away from everything I was sick of as I could get whilst still being semi-close to my very small support network.
So I packed everything and moved… again (this was the fourth move I had made in a year)
Boy was it a big move.. and I was definitely out of my comfort zone here.
Everything was different and I knew my way around like using a blank piece of paper as a map.
So clearly, I loved it.
It was close to the beach, peaceful, had beautiful wild life reserves in every direction.
And the best part… no ghosts. Not one
It was like a gust of fresh air and starting a whole new book
Three years on and I have never gone back.
Three years on and this once foreign place is now a place I call my home
Three years on, I have met amazing new people who I know are life long friends, have became stronger with the ones that stuck by me and have started to build a life for myself that I had began to doubt was possible all those years ago
Three years on, I have finally found where I belong..
And my gosh it feels good.
So to those who aren’t sure where they belong, don’t feel like they fit or are just struggling to find a way to make it work where they are. If you have tried all you can to settle in and it still hasn’t helped….I urge you to move, try something new. Step outside of that box. Venture away from the world you know.
And then find that place your heart sings to. Stop and breathe it all in.
Then set your anchors in tight, build your home up again and see what magic happens.
If you, like me, find your happy place.. welcome.
If it doesn’t work… trust in yourself and move again.